Christina Hendricks - new Johnnie Walker face




Joke of the day:

An elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because a horsefly
kept biting near her tail and there was nothing she could do about it.
It was far out of reach.

A sparrow saw this and killed the horsefly with its beak.
"Oh, thank you!" said the elephant.
"My, pleasure ma'am." said the sparrow.
"Listen, Mr. Sparrow, if there's anything I can ever do for you, don't
hesitate to ask."

The sparrow said, "Well, all my life I wondered how it would feel to fuck
an elephant."
"Be my guest!", said the elephant.

So the sparrow flew behind the elephant and started fucking. In the trees
above, a monkey in the tree saw this and became very excited. He started
to masturbate, shaking a coconut loose and it fell from the tree, hitting
the elephant on the head.
"OUCH!", said the elephant.

Then sparrow looked over from behind and said, "Am I hurting you, dear?"

Mariah Carey has nice boobs



Joke of the day:
Woman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries.
The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, "Come this way," and heads
towards the back of the store.
"If I could come that way," she tells the retreating clerk, "I wouldn't
need the batteries."

This is how models should look like...



Guys, this is how models should look like... Let's say no to skeletons haunting the world!

Huge boobs yoga girl




Joke of the day:

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young
man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she
was waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up to
the man and said, "I was going to park there!" The man was a real smart
aleck and he said, "That's what you can do when you're young and
bright."
Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and
backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his
Mercedes. The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do
that for?" The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you
can do when you're old and rich!"

Sophia Loren was crazy hot

I have always knew that she was pretty, but this photo of Sophia Loren is unbelievable...

Joke of the day:

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and
then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired.

Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you
see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you
deduce from it?"

Watson yawns and tries to play the game. "Well, this clearly tells us the
weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny."

"No, my friend. It's much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."

Mila Kunis is awesome



Joke of the day:
"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor of the
heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.

"Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and
decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As
we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed
a little sign by the side of the track. I tried
to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make
it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round
again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see
what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read
that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached
the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."

"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?"
asked the visitor.

"Yes."

"What did it say?"

"Don't stand up in the car!"

Cute smiling girl


Joke of the day:

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the
elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying,
"T-G-I-F" (letters only).
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T" (letters only)."
She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said
as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression,
"S-H-I-T."
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F,
Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"
The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

Marylin Monroe in great shape



Joke of the day:
A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a
gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink."
So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him, "What's
the name of your penis?"
The guy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay bartender says, "I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you
tell me the name of your penis."
So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a
beer and asks, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?" The man to
left, with a smile, looks back and says, "TIMEX."
The guy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes
a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!"
A little shaken, the guy turns to the fella on his right sipping on a
fruity margarita, "So, what do you call your penis?" The man to his
right turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because quality is Job
1", he then ads, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"
Even more shaken, the guy has to think for a moment before he comes up
with a name for his penis. He turns to the bartender and exclaims,
"The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me my beer."
The bartender begins to pour the guy a beer, but with a puzzled look
asks, "Why secret?"
The guy says, "because it's strong enough for a man but made for a
woman!"

Sweet asian army girl



Joke of the day:
The doctor had just completed his examination of the
gorgeous redhaired beauty.
"I would suggest to you, young lady," began the medic,
as he regained som of his professional dignity,
"that you discontinue some of your running around.
Stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, and
above all you will have to start eating properly and
getting to bed early."
Then, as a pleasant afterthought, he added: "Why not
have dinner with me tonight? I'll see to it that you
have the proper food and that you'll be in bed by 9:00!"

I cannot believe my eyes



Joke of the day:
A blond sees a brunette standing in the middle of the highway.
The brunette keeps saying, "88, 88, 88..."
The blond calls to her as the cars and trucks wizz past.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm counting cars,"comes the rely. "Want to help?"
"Sure!" says the blond. She walks out to the middle of the
highway to the brunette and starts saying "88, 88, 88.."
All the time the cars are dodging the two woman. Then a big semi
drives by and runs over the blond. The brunnette calmly walks
down the highway, picks a new spot, and starts muttering, "89, 89, 89..."

How to eat a hot dog



Joke of the day:
Two teachers at my high school started a practical joke war
that culminated in a junk mail war of huge proportions. They
finally called a truce and got it cleared up and the mail stopped,
EXCEPT for the military mail that one had signed the other one up
for. He wrote (honestly) that he had graduated from a fine college
and was interested in the Marines, Air Force, etc. etc.
When I left, about two years after this, he was still
getting PHONE CALLS from 2-4 times a month.... they were VERY
persistant even over he (loud) objections that he was 45 and not
interested in a career change...

Kim Kardashian getting out of the car



Joke of the day:
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their
Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain
and the top is down!

Another nice Oktoberfest girl



Joke of the day:
I got home from work last night and said to my wife, "You are a one"
She said "What do you mean, I am a one?"
I said, "If Bo Derek's a ten, you're a one".

Busty oktoberfest chick



Joke of the day:
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the
blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the
driver--"PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"

Cute girl in a tank top


Joke of the day:
Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a
building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her
pet cat in her arms.

"Hey, lady," yells Larry, "Throw me the cat."

"No," she cries, "It's too far."

"I play football, I can catch him."

The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to
Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.

Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him.
The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catch
it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed
catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into
cheers.

Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his
knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.

Big beautiful breasts brunette in bed


Joke of the day:
On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their daily
business. One wore a large cross on his chest and the other - a star
of David. Of course, most of the church goers generously gave to the
cross wearer and the other was overlooked.
Finally the Pastor approached the Jew and suggested that if he take
off the star of David maybe he'd get some more hand outs.
"Get this guy, Chaim" laughs the pan handler and turns to his cross
wearing pal, "He's trying to teach *us* how to do business!"

Divine Jessica Jane Clement


Joke of the day:
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the
crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets
himself to the doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my
honeymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it
heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took
four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage and
wired it all together. It was an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry and on
their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to
reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever
saw them. She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these
breasts." He pulls down his pants, whips it out and says, "Look at
this, it's still in the CRATE !"

Awesome photo of Christina Hendricks



Joke of the day:
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
um......equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
can get to work."
"Tripod?????"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's
fainted!!"

Simona Halep busty tennis player


Joke of the day:
Back in the '70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was
showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned
to his friend, and said, "Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives
flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, `Oh, great.
Now I'll have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air.' `Why?'
says her friend. `Don't you have a vase?'"

They laugh, and then Hefner opens a door with a flourish. Inside, women
are reclining on couches, naked as jaybirds, with flowers protruding from
their vaginas. Hefner and his friend have another laugh and are flirting
with the girls when suddenly, from the next room, there is a bloodcurdling
shriek!

"What was that?" starts Hefner's friend.

"Oh, probably just the umbrella stand..."

Ultra sexy happy girl


Joke of the day:
A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night.
He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive
woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He
was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve
to ask her for a dance.

"Would you like to dance with me?"he asked.

She replied "Would I!", and he sneered and told her,"BIG NOSE!"

Awesome breasts girl with a friend


Joke of the day:
There was this troupe of dancers that traveled around
the country dancing in clubs and theaters. They were called
the Steppers. At one club, the Steppers did such a good job
of pulling in patrons that the management gave them all the
drinks they could drink after the show.

Well, they all got plastered and were having a big party.
When it came time to get on their bus to travel to the next town,
they did not want to stop partying, so they just moved the party
to the bus. As they rode down the highway, you could here their
yelling, singing, and laughing for miles.

At a house along that very highway, there lived a family that
had a pet snake. It was a viper, and it's name was Peter. That
night, Peter Viper was asleep in his snake house in the back yard.
Suddenly, he was awakened by a loud racket. It was the bus
carrying the Steppers still having their party. But Peter didn't
know that. In his confusion, he thought he was back in deep dark
Africa being pursued by Pygmies. He slithered out of his snake
house, headed across the yard as fast as he could, and crossed the
highway just in front of the bus. The bus driver, who was a little
sleepy, saw Peter Viper in the road, and mistook him for a giant log.
He swerved, and the bus landed in the ditch, drunk Steppers
lying everywhere.

The next day, the headline in the paper read "Peter Viper
wrecks a truck of pickled Steppers".

Noemi Letizia - Silvio Berlusconi's friend



Joke of the day:
The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were
down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could
get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a
hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first
man, "We need to know that you will do whatever we say
regardless of the circumstances. Take this gun, go into this
room and kill your wife". A look of shock comes over the man's
face. He says, "I can't kill my wife. I just can't do it. I
guess I'm not the man for this job". "No, you're not", agree
the agents, "You're free to go".

They bring the second man to the door and say, "We need to know
that you will do whatever we say regardless of the circumstances.
Take this gun, go into this room and kill your wife". The man
takes the gun and goes into the room. The room is silent and
after five minutes the man opens the door, tears streaming down
his face. "I tried," he says, "but I just couldn't do it. I can't
kill my wife". The agents let him leave.

They bring the woman to the door and say, "We need to know that
you will do whatever we say regardless of the circumstances. Take
this gun, go into this room and kill your husband". She takes the
gun and before the door closes behind her, she shoots off all 13
rounds emptying the gun. The door closes behind her and for the
next five minutes the agents hear loud banging and grunting. The
door finally opens, revealing the sweat-drenched woman. She looks
at both agents, wipes her brow and says, "Whew! You guys didn't
tell me that the gun was filled with blanks - I had to beat him to
death with the chair!"

Huge boobs girl playing billiards


Joke of the day:
"What's the difference between the North American porcupine
and the African porcupine," the society matron asked the
zookeeper.

"The principal difference is the North American species has a
longer prick."

This, as you might assume, distressed the matron who
stormed immediately to the zoo manager's office. The zoo
manager said, "Ma'am, I apologize for my staff's unfortunate
choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is the
North American species has a longer *quill*. In fact, their
pricks are just about the same size."

The cutest farmer girl on Earth


Joke of the day:
There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa.
It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later,
PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the
wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area
and found a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe
and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The Chief says,
"Yeah". When asked where the crew was the Chief replied, "We ate the
crew and drank the Pepsi." The Rescue crew was shocked. One man asked,
"Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs and we
drank the Pepsi." Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The
Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi". After looking
totally perplexed for a minute a third added, "Did you...you
know...eat
their....things"?? The chief says, "No." "No?" asked the rescuers.
"NO", replied the Chief, " THINGS go better with COKE!!!"

Sofia Vergara is super sexy



Joke of the day:

Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot,
were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.
Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves
standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St
Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that
Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed to
limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of
you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot
answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not,
then you'll come with me to Hell."

The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most
comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings," With a snap
of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct.
"Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the
philsopher disappeared.

The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated
formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger,
another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The
mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was
correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his
finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.

The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a
chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes
on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat
on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he
asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"

The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from
the right."

"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole." And
the idiot went to Heaven.

Awesome photo of Denise Milani


Joke of the day:

A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery.
As she lays there, a man in white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and
then leaves. This happens a second time. The third time this happens, she
says "Doctor, am I going into surgery soon?"
The man replied, "Don't ask me lady. I'm just a painter!"

Pretty busty blonde




Joke of the day:

An old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing
hand, and one missing eye goes into a bar.
The sailor sitting next to him says, "You're really in bad shape. What
happened to your leg?"
"I fell overboard," says the Captain, "and before my mates could pull
me aboard, a shark bit it off."
"Terrible," says the sailor. "And what happened to your hand?"
"We attacked a man-o'-war," says the Captain, "and one of the
attackees chopped it off with a saber."
"Awful," says the sailor. "And how did you lose your eye?"
"Seagull droppings," says the Captain.
"Amazing," says the sailor. "I didn't know seagull droppings could put
your eye out."
"Can't," says the Captain. "But it was my first day with the hook."

Big tits brunette

This cute big tits brunette certainly has a pair of beautiful big breasts...

Joke of the day:

Two young girls were talking about their sex lives when the first girl
says, "Oh my god! , it was really great, but I was Sooo scared after his
rubber broke.
I didn't get a good night's sleep for a week."
"What happened." Says her intrigued friend.
"I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was finally able to get the
last little piece of it out with dental floss."

Kelly Brook is amazing

I must say that Kelly Brook looks amazing in this lingerie! Really how is it possible that Billy Zane did not try to win her back?

Joke of the day:

A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While
fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have
changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking
about the various problems and diseases going around.
Teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems
with all these diseases when you were young did they?"
Grandpa replies, "Nope."
Teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"
Grandpa replies, "A wedding ring."

Well equipped brunette


Joke of the day:

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter
from his mother asking him to send her a current photo
of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let
her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a
photo in half and sends her the top part.
Later he receives another letter asking him to send a
picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture
in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the
photo.
He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the
wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's
eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice. A few weeks
later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says,
"Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...it
makes your nose look short!"

James Bond girl

Do you know which James Bond movie features this beautiful girl?

Joke of the day:

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love
and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going
to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm
going to marry."
The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women
into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for
a while.
He then says,"Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."

Super cute asian girl in blue bikini


Joke of the day:

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove
a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the
exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation
"I now pronounce you man and wife".

Sexy very tanned girl


Joke of the day:

A Second Opinion

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for
help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him
put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the
still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his
dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not
willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts
the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body,
walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and
finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and
says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body,
walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks
your dog is dead too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and
asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man....

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for
my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan
and lab tests."

Pretty girl iphone self-portrait


Check out this beautiful girl, guys! I am so glad she has taken this great photo. Enjoy!

Joke of the day:

An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor
arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year
old child.

The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see
while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the
mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new
born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take
his first breath.

"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there
in the first place!!"

Platinum blonde girl in a nice bra


Joke of the day:

The day after a man lost his wife in a boating accident, he was
greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have
some information about your wife."

"Well, tell me!" the man said.

The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some
really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we
found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay."

"Oh my god!" said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering
what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"

"Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two
five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her."

"If that's the good news than what's the great news?!" Mr. Wilkens
demanded.

The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow
morning."

Kim Kardashian in different outfits




Joke of the day:

A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says
"I'll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument
that this octopus CAN'T play' The people in the bar
look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar.
The octopus has a look,picks it up, tunes the string,
and starts playing the guitar.The octopus' owner
pockets the $50 Next, a guy comes up with a trumpet.
The octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks
it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy
pockets yet another $50. The bar owner has been watching
all of this and disappears to the back. He comes back
a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm.
He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his
octopus, ' Now, if your octopus can play THAT, I'll give
you $100. The octopus takes a long hard look at the
bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has yet another
look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner
comes over and says 'What are you waitin for? Hurry up
and play that damn thing!
The octopus says, 'Play it? Hell if I can work out how
to get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna screw it!!

Pretty blonde big boobs girl in a corset


I think this big boobs girl in a corset looks really pretty and completely unaware she is being photographed...

Joke of the day:

Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer:

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He
approached her and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?" She
responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment
to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk
about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you
haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more
than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She replied, "Why yes, I do. I 've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on
his wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, I
know him." The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very
quiet voice said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me,
I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

Nicole Minetti, Silvio Berlusconi friend


It looks like Nicole Minetti was Silvio Berlusconi dental hygienist...

Joke of the day:

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get
it up for my wife anymore.

"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can
do."

The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your
clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie
down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."

The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said.
"Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

Sexy girl

Hold tightly to your chair, because there is a big chance that this sexy girl is the very most beautiful girl i have ever seen in my life. See for yourself.
Joke of the day:

 A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat... Says He: "I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today" Says She: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." Says He: "OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?" Says She: "Well, the air bag works..."

Veronica Zemanova

Czech model Veronica Zemanova is worth reminding. Have a look at her!
Joke of the day:

 Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving
very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled
the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that
evening.

"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads
stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then
there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these
mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o'
those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I
had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye
know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for
later .." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he
located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for
inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you
to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."

Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"

Ines Cudna

Whoa, just look how sexy Ines Cudna looks in her dress!

Joke of the day:

A bus stops and two Italian men get on.  They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation.  The lady sitting behind them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say
the following:
"Emma come first.  Den I come.  Den two asses come together.  I come
once-a-more.  Two asses, they come together again.  I come again and pee
twice.  Then I come one lasta time.
"You foul-mouthed swine" retorted the lady idignantly.
"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.  "Who talkin' abouta sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my friend how to spell a 'Mississippi'."

Two blonde girls, one with huge boobs

Wow, i like this photo so much. Especially the blonde girl on the left :)

Joke of the day:

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car
and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her
purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to
the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Ewa Sonnet

Ewa sonnet is really awesome. Not only she has got very beautfiul and pretty breasts, but has a great figure and very pretty face! Enjoy the video, Ewa is simply walking in a hotel corridor but it is truly a magnificent view.

Joke of the day:

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below
sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he
had on no scuba gear whatsoever.

The diver went below another 20 feet, but the guy joined him a
few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, but minutes
later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he
took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, "How the heck
are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had
written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

Beautiful big tits blonde

This beautiful big tits blonde girl is simply extraordinary!

Joke of the day:

A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in
the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

The farmer said, "There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for
two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," spoke the Rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty
years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With that
he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.

Moments later a knock was heard at the door. The farmer opened the door,
and there stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer.

He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is
a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."

His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes late
the same scene occurs. There is a knock on the door. "What's wrong, now?"
the farmer asked.

The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, but
there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I
can't sleep on holy ground!"

Well, that leaves only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and
complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another
knock on the farmer's door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the
door, and there stood the pig and the cow.

Kim Kardashian

There is a lot going on about Kim Kardashian lately, so i have searched for some pretty photo of her and here it is!

Joke of the day:

There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy
with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher
says to the guy with a Chihuahua, 'Let's go over to
that restaurant and get something to eat.'

The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'We can't go in there.
We've got dogs with us.'

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'Just follow my lead.'

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman
Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk
in. A guy at the door says, 'Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.'

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'You don't understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog.'

The guy at the door says, 'A Doberman Pinscher?' He says, 'Yes,
they're using them now, they're very good.'

The guy at the door says, 'Come on in.'

The guy with the Chihuahua figures, 'What the hell,' so he puts
on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

The guy at the door says, 'Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.'

The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You don't understand. This is
my seeing-eye dog.'

The guy at the door says, 'A Chihuahua?'

The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?'
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