Lucy Pinder alias Luci Pinder - she is lovely!



Joke of the day:

 The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the
   strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000.00 bet. The
   bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass,
   and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop
   of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time
   (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
   One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a
   polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try
   the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK,
   grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled
   remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned
   to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six
   drops fell into the glass.
   As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000.00, and asked the
   little man, "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a
   weightlifter, or what?" The man replied, "I work for the IRS."

Cute girl with an iphone




Joke of the day:

 The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their
   dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband
   had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed
   to the wife that it always took him way too long to return.
 
   One time the wife had had enuff and actually pounded on the wall
   between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned,
   only to get the answering machine. Finally she went to the model's
   door and just kept ringing the bell.
 
   When the model answered, the wife fumed,"I would like to know why it
   is my husband takes so damn long to get something over here."
 
   "Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure ain't
   helping none either."

Sexy brunette on the couch



Joke of the day:

 A man and his date walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier after
having eaten a very expensive lunch at one of Beverly Hills most
exclusive restaurants.
"Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims.

So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an
absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the
furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that
particular fur goes for $65,000."

"No problem! I'll write you a check!"

"Very good, sir." says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may
come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared the bank."

So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns.
The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?!
There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"

"I just had to come by," grinned the guy,

"to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

Sexy devil girl


Joke of the day:

Befuddled PC Users Flood Help Lines,

                       and no Question Seems to be Too Basic



 From the Wall Street Journal, Tuesday, March 1, 1994.
 Reprinted without permission

AUSTIN, Texas -  The exasperated help-line caller said she couldn't get
her new Dell computer to turn on.  Jay Ablinger, a Dell Computer Corp.
technician, made sure the computer was plugged in and then asked the
woman what happened when she pushed the power button.

"I've pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens," the
woman replied.  "Foot pedal?" the technician asked.  "Yes," the woman
said, "this little white foot pedal with the on switch."  The "foot
pedal," it turned out, was the computer's mouse, a hand-operated device
that helps to control the computer's operations.

[boring stuff deleted]

Only two years ago, most calls to PC help lines came from techies
needing help on complex problems.  But now, with computer sales to homes
exploding as new "multimedia" functions gain mass appeal, PC makers say
that as many as 70% of their calls come from rank novices.  Partly
because of the volume of calls, some computer companies have started
charging help-line users.

[boring stuff deleted]

John Wolf: "A frustrated customer called, who said her brand new Contura
would not work.  She said she had unpacked the unit, plugged it in,
opened it up and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to
happen.  When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she
asked, 'What power switch?'"

Seemingly simple computer features baffle some users.  So many people have
called to ask where the "any" key is when "Press Any Key" flashes on the
screen that Compaq is considering changing the command to "Press Return Key."

Some people can't figure out the mouse.  Tamra Eagle, an AST technical
support supervisor, says one customer complained that her mouse was hard
to control with the "dust cover" on.  The cover turned out to be the
plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.  Dell technician Wayne Zieschang
says one of his customers held the mouse and pointed it at the screen,
all the while clicking madly.  The customer got no response because the
mouse works only if it's moved over a flat surface.

Disk drives are another bugaboo.  Compaq technician Brent Sullivan says
a customer was having trouble reading word-processing files from his
old diskettes.  After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to
diagnose the problem, Mr. Sullivan asked what else was being done with
the diskette.  The customer's response: "I put a label on the diskette,
roll it into the typewriter..."

At AST, another customer dutifully complied with a technician's request that
she send in a copy of a defective floppy disk.  A letter from the customer
arrived a few days later, along with a Xerox copy of the floppy. And at
Dell, a technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in
the drive and "close the door." Asking the technician to "hold on," the
customer put the phone down and was heard walking over to shut the
door to his room.  The technician meant the door to his floppy drive.

The software inside the computer can be equally befuddling.  A Dell
customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything.
After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man
was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor
screen and hitting the "send" key.

Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so Dell
echnician Gary Rock referred him to the local Egghead.  "Yeah, I got me
couple of friends," the customer replied.  When told Egghead was a
software store, the man said, "Oh! I thought you meant for me to find a
couple of geeks."

Not realizing how fragile computers can be, some people end up damaging
parts beyond repair.  A Dell customer called to complain that his
keyboard no longer worked.  He had cleaned it, he said, filling up his 
     tub with soap and water and soaking his keyboard for a day, and
then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

Computers make some people paranoid.  A Dell technician, Morgan Vergara, says
he once calmed a man who became enraged because "his computer had told him he
was bad and an invalid."  Mr. Vergara patiently explained that the computer's
"bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

These days PC-help technicians increasingly find themselves taking on
the role of amateur psychologists.  Mr. Shuler, the Dell technician, who
once worked as a psychiatric nurse, says he defused a potential domestic
fight by soothingly talking a man through a computer problem after the
man had screamed threats at his wife and children in the background.

There are also the lonely hearts who seek out human contact, even if it
happens to be a computer techie.  One man from New Hampshire calls Dell
every time he experiences a life crisis.  He gets a technician to walk
him through some contrived problem with his computer, apparently feeling
uplifted by the process.

Marika Fruscio in the wine cellar

Joke of the day:

A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so
after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the
minor of three possible operations.

The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not
pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he
recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious
operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative.

But, there's still no result, and another month later she's back
in the doctors office, and this time she gets the big one.

After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes
normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in
conceiving a baby.

Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular
examination during pregnancy and says, "We're so
happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this
third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad,
but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy
for weeks after."

"Well," the doctor replies, "since the first two standard
operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather
than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to
your uterus."

Big tits next door girl

Have your eyes open, girls like her are everywhere around! Just be open-minded and open-eyed!

Joke of the day:

 A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a small
town. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her
position to try to influence the new student. She asks the
class, "Who was the greatest man that ever lived?"

A girl raises her hand and says, "I think George Washington
was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Father
of our country." The teacher replies, "Well...that's a good
answer, but that's not the answer I am looking for."

Another young student raises his hand and says, "I think
Abraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because he
freed the slaves and helped end the civil war." ... "Well, that's
another good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for."

Then the new Jewish boy raises his hand and says, "I think
Jesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived." The
teacher's mouth drops open in astonishment. "Yes!" she says,
"that's the answer I was looking for." She then brings him up to
the front of the classroom and gives him a lollipop.

Later, during recess, another Jewish boy approaches him as he
is licking his lollipop. He says, "Why did you say, 'Jesus Christ'?"

The boy stops licking his lollipop and replies, "I know it's
Moses, and YOU know it's Moses, but business is business."

Gigantic tits blonde

”huge


Joke of the day:

THANK YOU

Thank you to all my friends who sent me such important emails this year!
It's so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform!

Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out
from you that it's good for removing toilet stains and rusting the
arse out of 40-gallon drum.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected
with a disease.

I smell like a homeless f*@k, but thank goodness I stopped using
deodorant because you said it causes cancer.

I don't leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes have
to walk about seventeen blocks, because you said that someone might
drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me.

I also stopped answering the phone because you said that they will ask
me to dial a stupid number and then I get a high phone bill with
calls to Uganda, Singapore, Tokyo and maybe the Mars Rover.

I stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because you told me they are
nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that
are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds and KFC can sell their
wares.

I also stopped drinking anything out of a can - you said that I would
get sick from the rat faeces and urine.

When I go to parties, I now don't mix with anybody or talk to anybody
- you said that someone would take my kidneys and leave me taking a
nap in a bathtub full of ice.

However, the police are also after me at present because you said not
to pull over, as they could be fake policemen trying to kidnap me.

I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote, in anticipation of
the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I
participated in their special e-mail program.

It's weird, though, that my new free cell phone never arrived, and
neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland. But I am
positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or forgot to
follow and I got a curse.

Very attractive girl with big titties

She is such an attractive looking girl with big titties that some of you probably will spill your morning cafe on the screen of your computer...

Joke of the day:

A woman was out shopping and her son was with her. They boy spotted a man who was bowlegged. The boy pulled on Mom's hand and said, " Momma, look at the bowlegged man."
Mom was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a
person and make that sort of comment. For punishment, the boy had to read a play by Shakespeare. He couldn't go shopping again until he finished reading the play.

Finally he finished and his mom took him out again to the mall shopping.
Once again he spied a bowlegged man, but remembered what happened the last time.
So he pulled on his mother's hand and said, "Lo, what manner of men are these, who wear their balls in parentheses?"

Huge boobs girl at a party

 I like snapshots like that one. She is one hundred percent real and apparently having fun at a party.

Joke of the day:

Why Jim Smith Lost His First Love


Jim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and
after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister, he went to a department
store and bought a pair of white gloves.  The sister purchased a pair
of panties for herself.  During the wrapping, the items got mixed up.
(The sweetheart got the panties.)  Without checking the contents, Jim
sealed his package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note.

Dearest Darling,

This is a little gift to show you I have not forgotten you this Christmas.
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing
any when we go out in the evening.  If it had not been for your younger
sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears
the short ones that are easy to remove.  These are a delicate shade, but
the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had worn for three
weeks and they were hardly soiled.  I had the sales girl try them on and
she really looked smart.  I wish I could put them on you the first time.
No doubt, other men's hands will come in contact with them before I have
the chance to see you again.  When you take them off blow in them before
putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink.  I hope
you like them and will wear them for me next Friday night.
               
                                           All My Love,
                                           Jimmy

P.S.  Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year.
      Also, the sales girl showed me how they look when worn in the
      latest style - folded down with the fur showing.

Elly - cute big boobs girl from Vietnam

It seems that she is greatly popular on the internet! More photos after the joke and the jump.

Joke of the day:

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost.
   On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel
   tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sargent
   leading the tour, what the camel was for.
  
   The Sargent replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the
   men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the
   camel."
  
   The Captain said, "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's
   all right with me."
  
   After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the Captain could
   not stand it anymore, so he told his Sargent, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"
  
   The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the Captain's
   quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous
   sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and
   was buttoning his pants he asked the Sargent, "Is that how the
   enlisted men do it?"
  
   The Sargent replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into
   town."

Sexiest mechanical bull ride


Exceptionally her boobs are not so big, but it is worth seeing!

Joke of the day:

A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla
sitting on a barstool.

The man asked the bartender what the gorilla was
doing in the bar so the bartender showed him. He
took out a bat and hit the gorilla over the head
with it. The animal instantly dropped down and
gave the bartender blow job.

The Bartender then asked the man if he would like
to try it.

The man said "Sure, but please don't hit me quite
so hard". 

Beautiful Czech actress Vica Kerekes



Joke of the day:

Are computers males or females? You decide.
TOP 5 REASONS WHY COMPUTERS MUST BE MALE:
5. They're heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.
4. They periodically cut you off right when you think you've
established a network connection.
3. They'll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won't do more
than they have to and they won't think of it on their own.
2. They're typically obsolete within five years and need to be traded
in for a new model. Some users, however, feel they've already invested
so much in the damn machine that they're compelled to remain with an
under powered system.
1. They get hot when you turn them on, and that's the only time you
have their attention.
FIVE REASONS COMPUTERS MUST BE FEMALE:
5. No one but their creator understands their logic.
4. Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for
future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as
"If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to
tell you."
1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.\

Thor star Kat Dennings has great breasts





Joke of the day:

 A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit
a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.  While
standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears this
whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.

Predictably, he's hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks. It was
only a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive some minor internal
injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house
attending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears
the teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet
and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable
lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen,
sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good
tea kettle?"

The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're
small."

Playstation gamer Keeley Hazell



Joke of the day:


This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's 
pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He thinks the neighbor is going to hate him forever, so he takes the
dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries
its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, 
hoping they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy,
"Did you hear that Fluffy died?".
The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. er.. no.. what happened?".
The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day.
But the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, we went
outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him
back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"

Pretty Yurizan Beltran in nice bra



Joke of the day:

A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi
leans over and asks, "So how high can you advance in your organization?"

The Priest says "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop."

"Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi.

"I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I might
be made an ArchBishop" said the Priest a bit cautiously.

"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"

"If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal"

"Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi.

Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said "I supose that I could be
elected Pope, but..."

So the Rabbi says "And could you be anything higher than that?,
is there any way to go up from being the Pope?"

"What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!"

The Rabbi leaned back and said "One of our boys made it." 

Big boobed fisher girl

 Myself, I have never been much into fishing, but seeing this photo, I would have a try. Would you? Please comment!

Joke of the day:

In a Texas bar,The bartender Fred was fed up with penis boasting from the
regulars.So to put an end to all the boasting Fred says to them "whip 'em
out".Fred pulls a yard stick from under the bar,at the same time a gay guy
walks into the bar.Fred ask the man if there is something that he can get for
him.The gay  guy replies "i was going to get a beer,but i'll check your buffett
first"
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