Jodie Marsh looked better, before she started to work out

Joke of the day:

The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was zipping down Maple Avenue.
"Can I see your license and registration, bub?", the cop inquired.

"But officer," the fellow started, "I can explain..."

"Shut yer trap, bub!" snapped the officer. "You're going downtown
and sit a while till the sarge gets back."

"But, officer, I think you really should know..."

"And I said to shut yer trap! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the cop looked in on his prisoner and said,
"Lucky for you that the sarge is at his daughter's wedding.
He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," shot back the sap in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Girl with not a dragon tattoo, but still nice

Girl with not a dragon tattoo, but still nice

Joke of the day:

A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the
Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our
engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down
momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to
accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I am
unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be
rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not
for the rest of our lives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely on
the island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did
we pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?" No Morris!" she responded.
Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?"
"Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!" Now Morris laughs.
"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple
Building Fund check this month?" "Oy Morris I forgot that one too!"
Now Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris,
"So what are you smiling and laughing about?

Morris responds, "They'll find us."

Cute curly black girl

Joke of the day:

A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can
I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor
said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he
then charged them $32.00.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment,
have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married
and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $60.00 and the Hilton charges $75.00. We do it here
for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's

Phwoar! Sofia Vergara looks gorgeous!

Joke of the day:

A guy is driving around the back of the old country and he sees a sign in
front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings
the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the dog replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So,
what's your story?'
The dog looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was
pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no
time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms
with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the
jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger
so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do
some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and
listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch
of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for
the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff.'

Nicole Minetti again, in red bikini

Joke of the day:

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and
knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and
he asked her for directions to Des Moines.

"Don't know," the woman said.

He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices.
He looked in his rearview mirror and saw the woman and an
equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U-
turn and drove up to them.

"This is my husband," the old woman said. "He doesn't know
how to get to Des Moines either."

Kelly Brook in New Look campaign

Joke of the day:
A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a
fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary
money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a
turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the
public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun.

He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and
after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth
owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he
had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was
a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the
drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead
a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered
off into the crowd.

An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than
before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the
drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was
given another turtle.

Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third
attempt. Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in
the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three
times. Once more he had scored three bullseyes. But this time
there was an onlooker with good eyesight."That's fantastic", the
man said. "Hasn't he scored three bulls?"

The showman, cursing his luck, made a show of going over to
the target and inspecting it closely.

"Yes, sir!", he announced to the crowd. "This is fantastic!
Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this
magnificent 68-piece set of glassware!"

"I don't want any bloody glasses", the drunk replied. "Give me
another one of those little crusty meat pies!"

White bikini natural blonde girl

Joke of the day:

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following
conversation took place:
First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out
golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every
room in the house next weekend."

Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build
her a new deck for the pool."

Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I
will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has
not said a word. So they ask him, " You haven't said anything about what
you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30a.m., When it goes off, I shut
off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say, 'Golf Course or Intercourse?'
So she says, "Wear your sweater."

Pretty blonde girl at a party

Joke of the day:

A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a
big car, the love of a beautiful woman ...then ... pow! ... it was all
"What happened?" asked the friend.
"Ahhhh ... my wife found out ..."

They have really great tv shows in Italy

Joke of the day:

Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria.
One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest;
he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends
sitting along the sides.
When the cafeteria was pretty full of people,
he made a loud noise (to attract attention),
stood up, bent over and squeezed his chest.
This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table;
the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid.
I think a lot of food went uneaten that night.

Alice Goodwin is sexy as hell

Joke of the day:

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were
getting ready to go out on dates. The first
beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm
here to pick up Betty. We're going for
spaghetti, is she ready?"
No. The second beau came to the door and said,
"I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to
the show. Is she ready to go?"
No. The third beau came to the door and said to
the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck."
The farmer shot Chuck.
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